:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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