DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
