When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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