some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
