FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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