apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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