Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Randomize
