I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
