I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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