I can text with my tongue
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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