When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
4 words: hood of his car
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
