WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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