she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
