I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
