3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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