I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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