What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
