This is not my ceiling
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
