She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
