i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
