i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
