Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
