I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
