She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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