how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
