Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
