There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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