I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
