i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
