lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
True college students do jello shots in the library
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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