i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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