Im at strip club and am horny
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
