his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
