Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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