Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
