dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The Olympian is in my bed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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