i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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