i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
