If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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