if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
