You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
