there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
