I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
