he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have post one night stand depression
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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