So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
