I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
