90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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