I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He kissed a someone with a penis
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
