Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
