Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
