Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
