i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
