I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
