i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
