aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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